Suicide Watch On In ChiTown

Could things get any worse for the beleaguered people of the Windy City?  Their (sporting) world is crumbling right in front of them — and most of it on national television, too.

First, their beloved Cubbies are down two-games-to-none in their best-of-five National League Division Series with the Dodgers after losing 10-3 on Thursday. And it wasn’t even that close. Carlos Zambrano was erratic and Cubs infielders made a slew of errors that accounted for four unearned runs which helped stake the Dodgers to an early 5-0 lead.

Second, the White Sox are down one-game-to-none to the Tampa Bay Rays in their best-of-five American League Division Series after losing 6-4 on Thursday. The victory was the Rays first-ever in the playoffs. Humiliating. It’s like losing to your adopted brother at ANYTHING for the first time — huge for him, demoralizing for you. You might as well pack up your pride and move in with your aunt and uncle.

Third, the Bears suspended All-Pro defensive end Tommie Harris for Sunday’s game against the Detroit Lions after he broke an unspecified team rule. And even though the Bears are 2-2, their best defensive player is now out for a big game against an NFC North Division rival. It’s enough to make a grown, really overweight man stuffing his face with pizza, cry.

Fourth, Bulls will be without center/forward Joakim Noah after he was poked in the eye during practice this week. He been diagnosed with a Hyphema (blood in the anterior chamber of his left eye). Now were just adding injury to insult. Speaking of insult, starting shooting guard Ben Gordon has decided to play for the team this year despite being insulted by their one-year qualifying contract offer. Sounds like that’ll be good for team chemistry.

Fifth, the Blackhawks SUCK. They are a shell of a team and nobody’s noticed that the season is less than a week away. Their best player is goalie Nikolai Khabibulin. He was good… like a decade ago.

Oh, there’s the Fire. They’re actually pretty good, as if anyone really cares.

So watch the lakeshore, the Sears Tower and Stan Makita’s doughnut shop. It’s turning out to be one dreary and depressing autumn for Chicago’s self-loathing fanatics.

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Filed under Baseball, Basketball, Football, Hockey, MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL

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